Title: The Skinner Journals: Ascension Author: Daydreamer Author E-mail: Daydream59@aol.com Rating: PG, maybe R for language Category: V Spoilers: none Keywords: Skinnerfic, M/Sc/Sk friendship Archive: Yes, please. Feedback: Yes! Please! Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, and Skinner are owned by Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, Fox Television Network, etc. They are wonderfully brought to life by David Duchovny, Gillian Anderson, and Mitch Pileggi. I will make no profit from this, and neither will Fox if they sue me, for I am poor and have nothing material they can profit from. Comments: Check out my web page, Daydreamer's Den http://www.geocities.com/daydreamersden The Skinner Journals: Ascension August 8, 1994 - morning Mulder was involved in a difficult hostage negotiation yesterday. I wasn't informed of it, didn't approve of it, and I'm pissed off about it. He spent all the damn day in Richmond trying to get a former FBI Agent named Duane Barry to give up and let some hostages go. I'm still not sure how he got involved or who approved it, but I *will* find out. I did learn that one of the agents in Richmond, an Agent Kazdin, asked for Mulder because Barry claimed he'd been abducted by aliens. But beyond that request, it almost seems as if *Krycek* took it on himself to drag Mulder down there. I'm sure that can't be right; the kid is still green, but he's ambitious and he has to know he'd get in serious trouble making a decision like that on his own. I'm baffled now, but I'll get to the bottom of it. Right now, I've got larger problems. Like the fact that Mulder willingly walked into the hostage situation. I swear, I think he has a subconscious death wish. That's another thing that he'd never have done if I'd been properly informed. I might have given in to lending him to the Richmond office, but I sure as hell wouldn't have allowed him to waltz into that damn situation and become a hostage himself. And then, as if the stress of the hostage situation, and trading himself wasn't enough, he had to knowingly make a decision that resulted in Barry being shot. I've already reviewed the transcripts; I know what happened. He tried to save the guy -- got him out of the line of fire the first time, but then Barry went ballistic and Mulder got scared -- justifiably so. Barry was making threats, losing control, and Mulder had no choice but to try and get the guy back in the sniper's site. He did, but it wasn't pretty and I know my agent suffered from making that decision. Damnit! I've always known I'd need a hands-on approach with Mulder; he takes too much on himself and needs someone to rein him in. Which brings me to Scully. And the biggest problem of them all. She's missing. Abducted by Duane Barry. Mulder was up all night, over at her place. And no one thought to inform me until I got to work this morning. I started my day by putting together a task force to find my missing agent. And then I sent Mulder home. He kicked, complained, refused, but finally gave in. I didn't really trust him to actually *go* home; he's too worried about his partner. Well -- *former* partner, even though he still considers her to be his partner. But he was almost falling over with exhaustion and *someone* needed to make him get some rest. Before this is over, I have no doubt his incredible profiling skills are going to be put to the test. And he won't be of any use if he's too tired to think straight. I wanted to take him home myself. Tell him I was sorry he got involved in the whole Richmond fiasco. Let him know it hadn't been done with my approval. And I wanted to give him my personal assurances that we'd find Scully. But I had to stay here and coordinate the manhunt. Responsibilities of the position and all that. I ended up ordering Krycek to make sure he got home. Hope the kid actually follows through and doesn't let Mulder talk his way out of an escort. August 8, 1994 - evening What a bitch of a day! I don't believe the way things turned out. Mulder disobeyed my direct order to go home and ended up tracking Barry to Skyland Mountain in Virginia. Found Barry, but not Scully. And then Mulder lost control and shoved his suspect during interrogation. I probably could have dealt with that, but damned if Barry didn't end up dead a few minutes later. What a fucking mess! Mulder's facing an OPC hearing tomorrow -- Krycek, too. Things aren't looking too good for young Krycek. This is his second hearing in what, a month? Gonna leave a few marks on his record for that. And I've still got an agent missing. It was a long, completely fucked up day. The only bright spot was coming home. Sharon must have sensed something was wrong, because she was so kind to me. Not pushing, not demanding that I talk, just *there* and comforting with her presence. I showered and said I was going to bed and she followed me almost immediately, spooning herself to my back and holding me while I struggled with the after-effects of the day from hell. I finally rolled over, and we made love. There's something so life-affirming and fundamentally *hopeful* in that act, especially when it's done with love. Things have been so fractious between us; it's just been a while since sex was more than sex. And this time, it *was* making love. And I needed it. She's sleeping now, sprawled across the bed. I slept for a while after, too, but I'm awake now, taking a few quiet moments to remember this time. I suspect there won't be many more like it. But now, I need to get up, get dressed, and go into work. I've got two careers to save and an agent to find. August 10, 1994 I seriously fucked up. Yesterday, Mulder blew off his OPC hearing and tried to see Senator Matheson. Word reached me through unofficial channels that he was turned away. Then Mulder vanished for the rest of the day. Today he showed up in my office, furious. He said Agent Krycek was hired or suborned by an outside agency to impede a federal investigation and may be responsible for the death of a suspect in a capital murder case. He also accused Krycek of killing the tram operator at Skyland Mountain. Which, by default, means Krycek tried to kill Mulder, or at least prevent him from reaching the top of the mountain. I told him it was a serious accusation. Told him he'd better be willing to back it up. He said he was. I told him I could only protect him so far; that at some point this would become a larger Bureau matter. He nodded that he understood. I hated it. Hated that feeling of helplessness. Hated knowing that I could only do so much to fix things and there was so much more that was out of my hands. I felt like Mulder had trusted me, had come to me because he did trust me, and I was letting him down. I buzzed Kim and told her to get Krycek in my office immediately. Then I asked Mulder what he had. He threw a cigarette butt into the ashtray on my desk. A butt that matched all the others already there. He didn't need to say anything more. But he did. He said he'd found the butt in Krycek's car. And Krycek doesn't smoke. Krycek was also the last person with Duane Barry before he died. He was the last person to see the tram operator before he disappeared. This whole damn setup has that black-lunged bastard all over it, and apparently Krycek was his tool. Mulder told me there was an unmarked helicopter working the top of the mountain and he believes that Krycek was the one who gave away the whereabouts of Duane Barry and Agent Scully to whoever he's working with. I asked him who he thought Krycek was working for. And Mulder's paranoia kicked right in. He said the military was an option, or some covert organization in the government. I wasn't sure of either of those, but then he said it was bound to be whoever the Smoker worked for, and I had to agree. I just wanted to know why they took Scully. It seems to me that Mulder is the greater threat. But Mulder said it was because Scully got too close to whatever it was they were trying to deny. And she had hard proof in the form of that metallic implant. Both were viable reasons. Mulder also had to bring up that he felt Scully's termination would prevent further involvement with him and his work. I think that was reaching a little. I asked him if he thought Scully was dead and the saddest, most sorrowful look crossed his face. He seemed so alone, so guilty, and more than a little lost. He looked at me and said he didn't know. Then he asked me how far I thought they'd go. I didn't have an answer. We were interrupted then, and I found out that Krycek had disappeared. Didn't show up for work. Home number disconnected. It frightened me. I think that was when I really realized just how serious things were going to be. That there *was* more to this whole X-Files thing than just Mulder's obsession with the unusual and paranormal. All the things I'd suspected since I took this job began to gel as I realized how easily I was used as a tool, and how ineffectual I had been in keeping my people safe. Scully was gone, and there was nothing I could do about it. Nothing -- but try to keep Mulder alive. Mulder was furious that Krycek had disappeared. He demanded to know who these people were who could just murder with impunity while we couldn't do anything about it. And I was ashamed to have to say that I didn't have a clue. I just wanted to keep him alive. I told him to let it go. I told him there was nothing he could do. Then he shocked the shit out of me. He showed me that he still trusted me, that he still felt he could come to me for help, and that he believed I would actually provide that help. He asked me what I could do. I thought for a moment and then I realized there was really only one thing I could do, only one thing that was still within my powers. Only one thing that they really feared. I told him I was reopening the X-Files.